school daze

the other day i was on the elliptical at the gym and i noticed a situation through the window beside me. school had just gotten out and all the Abercrombie and Hollister covered kids were making their way to the afternoon hangout at the Y. one of the kids had some art work that he was bringing home from school. it was made with construction paper and some sort of translucent paper that made it look like a detailed stained glass. i noticed on the back bottom corner there was the emblem of the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo art competition. you could tell the kid was proud of it, and he had every right to be.

i watched as he stood and visited with his friends who were all about my oldest son's age, then one of his friends started razzing him. he snatched the kids' creation, laughed at it, and held it up out of his reach and verbally ridiculed him. finally he handed it back, but the look on the artist's face told it all.

i think everyone who grew up in public school had a similar incident. doing things well is sure to bring the scorn of your classmates.

i felt really sorry for the kid and the whole situation got me thinking. how much of my personality was shaped by a vicious peer-group? generally i didn't fall into the group of kids getting bullied because i was somewhat rough (because in an animal-like environment, one can be mean or be eaten), but i can still remember trying to find ways to be cooler or funnier or more stylish. i can remember being so concerned with what others thought of me that it hurt. i remember the ends of summers spent planning how i was going to 'be' that school year. how horrifying was dressing out in gym class? how mortifying was the ill-founded rumor? remember all of the things and ideas one needed to be 'acceptable'?

my parents formed me, but my peer-group raised me.

all these things in mind, what sort of people are my children going to be? they may have 8 hours a week in their peer group, not 8 hours a day. the vast majority of their communication is with adults. there is no pressure to be anything they are not. i honestly can't get my head around the whole thing. their experience is going to be so opposite mine.

they are fortunate beyond reason.

ingredients for a paradigm shift

my mother's senior picture. raised in a very affluent family, a ballerina, well educated, well traveled, cultured, chic, and beautiful.



my dad was a massively intelligent band nerd. he raised his 4 brothers and sisters in poverty because my grandmother was too busy worrying with her 8 marriages (before my dad turned 18!) to have time for her kids.

i have no clue how they got together. i can't imagine they had a moment where they found something of a kindred spirit in each other and decided to marry. but they must have, and stayed together for 18 years. i guess i can see that my mom was moved by my dad's hardship, but she had no idea the strength of the personality she was dealing with. i can see that my dad was dazzled by my mom's beauty and in awe of her privileged lifestyle, but he had no idea that it was all skin deep.



they had me. i love them and thank them for giving me the tools i needed to break the paradigm.