pardon me while i burst into flames...

i have a neighbor who i'm friendly with.

she's about my age, has a baby, she's a stay-at-home mom, and she's a christian. she's the type of christian who doesn't really know much about their faith, never really reads the bible or does anything that you think of christians doing...she just is one and jesus is soooooo important in her life. sigh.

i was not raised in a christian home and when i had my fist kid i really studied the bible and christianity very intensely for about 3 years. i went to a pentecostal church (religiously!) and tried to get with the program...however, the more i studied the bible and history, the less i could believe any of it. as a result, i'm well aware of what i believe and what i don't believe.

she knows that my family is 'not-christian' and i've been very forthcoming about information about our religion any time she asks. she never tries to witness to me or convert me because she knows i know biblical scripture better than she does, and this probably is the 'saving grace' of our relationship.

apparently, she still frets for my soul, though.

around Yule, her church (that she very rarely attends) was bringing in a snow machine for the kids. she invited me and was sooo excited about us all going to sunday school together that morning!

um. you can't force me to send my kids to sunday school. so no thanks.

so, yesterday afternoon she stops by and asks me if i want to borrow this movie that she rented. she tells me that she and her husband watched it the previous evening and they were both so moved by this movie...they had a big boo-hoo fest over it and she thinks it may have saved their marriage.

she tells me the movie is somewhat christian-based, but the principles are good for anyone and it will make you re-evaluate your relationship and see what it's worth to you.

she really seemed like she really wanted me to watch it, so i told her that i would. she gives me the movie and calls an hour later to see if i watched it...i mean, the kids were still up and everything! we never watch movies before the kids go to bed but it was obvious that she was really concerned with us watching it.

the movie is called 'Fireproof" and it stars the illustrious Kirk Cameron.

here's the long and short of it: the acting was atrocious. Kirk Cameron is a firefighter married to a medical assistant and they have no children. they have a 'terrible' argument in the beginning of the movie that show them both to be shallow, disrespectful children (this is my take, i think they were supposed to be arguing like every 'normal' couple would.) so the wife decides she wants a divorce. the husband is angry and resigned to the situation until he talks to his father. his dad says to wait 40 days before signing divorce papers and in the meantime he needs to follow the daily advice in this little 'love dare' book. the father's marriage had been saved by this little book coupled by the work that god did in his life.

so, ole Kirk Cameron starts doing the things in the book. they're really deep concepts (ahem) like, 'don't say anything negative to your partner today' and 'let your partner know that you're thinking of them' and even 'do work around the house without being asked'. halfway through the program he realizes that he didn't really love his wife properly because he didn't understand the love that jesus had for him. so he says the sinner's prayer and it's all good. he wins his wife back and they say the sinner's prayer together and then re-consecrate their marriage because NOW they are truly married because they have jesus in their life.

so. this morning i'm waiting on the edge of my seat for my neighbor to call and get my review of the movie.

i'm a little worried i'm going to offend her, but i can't be dishonest about it. the movie was INSULTING. the overwhelming moral of the story was that you cannot have a successful, loving marriage without being a christian. in fact, the only way to make your marriage 'Fireproof' is through jesus.

i beg to differ. my marriage is based on respect, communication, and like minds reaching for a like goal. there are no petty, selfish, self-indulgent, disrespectful, childish fights. and we've done it all without HIM.

so i'm wishing i could just hand her the movie and thank her and leave it at that, but she's going to want to discuss it. she really thought that this was going to make us 'see our need for christ' (to use her words).

ugh.

anyway, if your neighbors show up trying to save your marriage with this movie it's probably not your marriage that they're really worried about. just say no. i wish i had.